Ever think you're that black-eyed cross-eyed 1 high in the, er, celestrial stadiums just watching the sports game?
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
So
I don't wish to teach ballet @ 5 AM, so you can take a shower @ 6, maybe dry your hair and apply makeup by 7? Maybe not, I like 2 hours, though..not sure why, but it's in the afternoon.. :| Because people sleep 10-6 ideally. Just pick business. Construction sometimes? Dunno. That's 8 hours in the bed, maybe a quiet evening with a jog or stuff alternating, the gym, a swim. So, I wish to teach Rainbow kids on Fridays, was thinking 4 PM because dunno something happens later.. ah yes the mall and the movies, even. I mean, I guess it could be at 7-8, but the mall here closes at 9. I mean, you can walk outside. I'd been going to the mall on the weekends. Aw, I guess I have nothing to teach. What will I do next semester for exercise? I like coming at 5 A.M., the transportation is better, have to wake up at 4 if I'm just going to exercise..
Up-
So, I got up and redid my nails, cooking another burger and dog. Have my mac and cheese out.. maybe some liverwurst? Cake? That'll put me to bed, then it's up at 3:30 A.M. Should I make that 3:45 A.M.?
So
Do you m*********? I used to not, but I think from taking too much gymnastics I did. I guess I didn't have any fun, and I was a good gymnast.. 3I
In th Van
Didn't remember ear plugs.
Recorded visit. Seeing her in a week or 3.
Going home, to bed, waking up at 3...30. 6+ hours of sleep, like I wanted last night.
Trying to get a psychiatrist appointment ASAP, same 1. Trying medicine, also Chinese medicine. Was gonna go the 20th. Makes me tired and don't think I need it, anymore, that the other kids would..
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Recorded visit. Seeing her in a week or 3.
Going home, to bed, waking up at 3...30. 6+ hours of sleep, like I wanted last night.
Trying to get a psychiatrist appointment ASAP, same 1. Trying medicine, also Chinese medicine. Was gonna go the 20th. Makes me tired and don't think I need it, anymore, that the other kids would..
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Problem
I'm gonna * you you liars always doing perverted things. YOU HEAR ME YOU STUPID NIGGERS? YOU HEAR ME YOU STUPID NIGGERS! Dx
ARGH STOP
My mom put a shirt behind my shirts of my dad, I don't want to touch him in a perverted way, that's not how I was brought up, GO. AWAY. YOU GODDAMN NIGGERS- I think I should just * you. You better stop because I know what you did. ,:[ What do you think I am, stupid?
Dreams Dreams Dreams
Take Me Back | My Next Beer
So, I don't understand, but I had to dream that supposedly someone, using I guess since I only see Ginny Kopf, was grappling my crotch for a long time and when she touched me it stimulated my entire body and she gained a focus of my eyes and used cartoon images but in a friendly way that only feels good and summut contained. This was pretty long, and I wasn't foresaken upon awakening. I was in a big bedroom that looked like a dorm, darker. Forget next dream, was good. I forget some of the next, but I thought my dad really was there and put his hands on my shoulders and then my aunt. I don't remember so much here. I think I was being carried or something, not sure why, maybe because. I like to think about people touching me. :| So, anyway, then, I was like at a thing with girls, reminds me of something before in my dream, like tennis and models. I had already jogged a lap. Then, we had to jog around a bathroom stall which circled I think 100 times, I'm like here? The girls were tall with round heads, kinda like sticks, shiny slick hair, watching me getting close to the coach, just automatically hopping up to him in the middle of class standing on a bench in the stall area outside the bathroom. Then, (heya car just passed,) I remember a very good feeling don't remember too much, guess I was meeting someone, probably reeking from the reminder of when I had this really big voice lab teacher, 1st was pretty fat, then seemed pretty strong and quite tall. Anyway, so, I was thinking of Ginny, even had to think it was her so I wouldn't think I could like make up real people. Oh, and I woke up really feeling like you know a hand print on my crotch several times, maybe because I felt like *********ing, you know? Anyway, so this was interesting, now I forget, think I was being carried, but I was thinking of coming up to this "teacher," like in that darker room. I found this person like I guess like put her arm around me, then both her arms right away and like my legs were up kinda to the side wrapped around said person.. but it was interesting because I wasn't supposed to move and she was just supposed to like carry me out to the parking lot because I was like her ba by. So, something for you to think about. Anyway, I woke up, and I guess I was a bit mad, as you can see, I mean I liked it, but I didn't feel like anyone thought the beer part was okay. Oh, yes, and I woke up thinking there was this dangerous, low vibrating, I think in the 1st dream, yes, and I woke up and for some reason it was gone, didn't move, hardly breathed I bet. It was pulsing, seemed loud enough at the source. The exercise classes must have helped because they feel kinda quelled, like on a island of water, the sea with clouds floating around.
So, I don't understand, but I had to dream that supposedly someone, using I guess since I only see Ginny Kopf, was grappling my crotch for a long time and when she touched me it stimulated my entire body and she gained a focus of my eyes and used cartoon images but in a friendly way that only feels good and summut contained. This was pretty long, and I wasn't foresaken upon awakening. I was in a big bedroom that looked like a dorm, darker. Forget next dream, was good. I forget some of the next, but I thought my dad really was there and put his hands on my shoulders and then my aunt. I don't remember so much here. I think I was being carried or something, not sure why, maybe because. I like to think about people touching me. :| So, anyway, then, I was like at a thing with girls, reminds me of something before in my dream, like tennis and models. I had already jogged a lap. Then, we had to jog around a bathroom stall which circled I think 100 times, I'm like here? The girls were tall with round heads, kinda like sticks, shiny slick hair, watching me getting close to the coach, just automatically hopping up to him in the middle of class standing on a bench in the stall area outside the bathroom. Then, (heya car just passed,) I remember a very good feeling don't remember too much, guess I was meeting someone, probably reeking from the reminder of when I had this really big voice lab teacher, 1st was pretty fat, then seemed pretty strong and quite tall. Anyway, so, I was thinking of Ginny, even had to think it was her so I wouldn't think I could like make up real people. Oh, and I woke up really feeling like you know a hand print on my crotch several times, maybe because I felt like *********ing, you know? Anyway, so this was interesting, now I forget, think I was being carried, but I was thinking of coming up to this "teacher," like in that darker room. I found this person like I guess like put her arm around me, then both her arms right away and like my legs were up kinda to the side wrapped around said person.. but it was interesting because I wasn't supposed to move and she was just supposed to like carry me out to the parking lot because I was like her ba by. So, something for you to think about. Anyway, I woke up, and I guess I was a bit mad, as you can see, I mean I liked it, but I didn't feel like anyone thought the beer part was okay. Oh, yes, and I woke up thinking there was this dangerous, low vibrating, I think in the 1st dream, yes, and I woke up and for some reason it was gone, didn't move, hardly breathed I bet. It was pulsing, seemed loud enough at the source. The exercise classes must have helped because they feel kinda quelled, like on a island of water, the sea with clouds floating around.
Why So Gay?
Why are you Floridians so not wanting anyone to have fun? Oh, you are concerned about the ***********, though.. Still, it's not a good practice, not having fun just to say you're a goody-good because I'm not that.
Awake
Don't really feel like sleeping. I mean, I do, but I just woke up. Not sure why. Seems I only slept for like 6 solid hours. Need to get back to bed and do my journals. I need to do blocking, too! :0 I can do that at the Therapist..
PM
So, Ginny sent me a FB Message, I have to use her home e-mail..and not post on her Facebook, like, every few days..
So, isn't her Valencia classes just crap? That's mostly what she teaches in public. D; The kids are all mean to me all the time, I don't need their motherfuckin goddamn stupid retarded idiot good-for-nuthin bullshit.
So, isn't her Valencia classes just crap? That's mostly what she teaches in public. D; The kids are all mean to me all the time, I don't need their motherfuckin goddamn stupid retarded idiot good-for-nuthin bullshit.
Also
I ran on the track and had a cheap but actually large salad for lunch, had frozen pizza at home and a bunch of thicker, cooked greens.. from a plastic box. 3I
Back to Bed Sleepyhead 3Z
My head aches.. My dad will be home for lunch, gotta wake up in the afternoon though, have to see to my journals. That's all, though. Have to get a book tomorrow, leave a note for $20.
Oh, and my panties were all wet, thought I had a load.
Oh, and my panties were all wet, thought I had a load.
Upset After Class
I was like a victim trrembling @ class, like the fool I make of myself, the way I can't take it and the way no one in the world can care....
See, I kept stabbing my notebook when I was annoyed.. I did leave the room and stomp my feet and then come back in soon. I came in and said are you gonna annoy me, like last class, and asked if someone said they were gonna kill me.. The teacher said no they didn't. :| I told my mom, too, but she didn't seem to care too much.. :S I sorta felt washed ashore in death. Like, I was murdered but left at peace.. :| People are always at me and will never be direct with me because they think it's possible I actually want too much attention being mixed race. I actually am feeling kinda subdued. Maybe, it's from all the good things I did, and then I don't know why I was attacked but I'm so mad. It seems people are really mad at me for any attention I get from Ginny, and I want to ****** them.. I just heard something.. Please, leave me alone, you dweebs.. :| Also, I can tell in attitude my aunt is posing as a virtual ring leader rassling me for everything just because my life isn't perfect, like my dad does, and I want to * her. ,:| Everyone is threatening people they know not to hurt me. ;| Er. Why can't peopel just be normal? Hey, listen to me, stop with the bullcrap "online." I'm the civilized 1. It's okay if I live my life the way I do, I was treated unfairly, why must I base my life on comparing with how much I sacrificed of my, er, ... I dunno academic future?
See, I kept stabbing my notebook when I was annoyed.. I did leave the room and stomp my feet and then come back in soon. I came in and said are you gonna annoy me, like last class, and asked if someone said they were gonna kill me.. The teacher said no they didn't. :| I told my mom, too, but she didn't seem to care too much.. :S I sorta felt washed ashore in death. Like, I was murdered but left at peace.. :| People are always at me and will never be direct with me because they think it's possible I actually want too much attention being mixed race. I actually am feeling kinda subdued. Maybe, it's from all the good things I did, and then I don't know why I was attacked but I'm so mad. It seems people are really mad at me for any attention I get from Ginny, and I want to ****** them.. I just heard something.. Please, leave me alone, you dweebs.. :| Also, I can tell in attitude my aunt is posing as a virtual ring leader rassling me for everything just because my life isn't perfect, like my dad does, and I want to * her. ,:| Everyone is threatening people they know not to hurt me. ;| Er. Why can't peopel just be normal? Hey, listen to me, stop with the bullcrap "online." I'm the civilized 1. It's okay if I live my life the way I do, I was treated unfairly, why must I base my life on comparing with how much I sacrificed of my, er, ... I dunno academic future?
***********
So, I woke up and decided to stimulate myself by direct action, but it wasn't really what I wanted.. :|
Dream
I had thee coole st most terrifying dream.
There were some scenes in the corrider where someone was like acting with music I think trying to slit someone before they slit someone else. So, my old organ teacher|choir director went in a jail cell with someone else kinda, like a mental hospital, which is horrid. So, I went in with someone else so we could maybe get in with her.. I know Ginny was involved. So, it was mostly about that and something like a pop Disney performance scheulde. For some reason, I felt a lot of *** or ************ or rather I dunno ***********. It was pretty dynamnic, that dream, but it's hard to remember, I think I was against like some flowery sheets, just some flowery sheets, like in bunched up at the base, and like hugging it like it was Ginny or something and feeling like those art drawings like of cupid or the statues of the very human figures with drapes hanging off. I was in the mental ward with people in the halls battling against knives slitting someone else's throat, like it's the good angel against the Master of the House, defending someone, like my old organ teacher or like I saw a big baby in an aisle, a bit sadistic in sentiment, like with some pastel but like an old or like modern French cartoon.. I saw the video of me acting and for some reason I was able to act like how I saw Country Bear Jamboree, but I can't see it no more, same with the old French cartoon.. So, I was lusting for "***" in a ward with people being murdered at bodily contact, instead slicing the other.
There were some scenes in the corrider where someone was like acting with music I think trying to slit someone before they slit someone else. So, my old organ teacher|choir director went in a jail cell with someone else kinda, like a mental hospital, which is horrid. So, I went in with someone else so we could maybe get in with her.. I know Ginny was involved. So, it was mostly about that and something like a pop Disney performance scheulde. For some reason, I felt a lot of *** or ************ or rather I dunno ***********. It was pretty dynamnic, that dream, but it's hard to remember, I think I was against like some flowery sheets, just some flowery sheets, like in bunched up at the base, and like hugging it like it was Ginny or something and feeling like those art drawings like of cupid or the statues of the very human figures with drapes hanging off. I was in the mental ward with people in the halls battling against knives slitting someone else's throat, like it's the good angel against the Master of the House, defending someone, like my old organ teacher or like I saw a big baby in an aisle, a bit sadistic in sentiment, like with some pastel but like an old or like modern French cartoon.. I saw the video of me acting and for some reason I was able to act like how I saw Country Bear Jamboree, but I can't see it no more, same with the old French cartoon.. So, I was lusting for "***" in a ward with people being murdered at bodily contact, instead slicing the other.
Funny
So, why does it seem like people are surrounding me constantly telling me I'm presenting myself as nothing? That was not the plan. ☠ I realize you think mixed people from Louisiana are stuck up.
Facebook Post
I just called to ask you when it was, guess I will have to call you tomorrow if I don't ask on Thursday while I'm waiting for my Therapist appointment. I don't really know anyone in Orlando, so I don't know who to ask to come with me. Lots of people I know have been interested in singing and things.. :(
♥ http://cab1986orlfl20.blogspot.com/2013/02/20130227-1.html
To: ginny.kopf
"Join me for the next Voice workshop! The Professional Voice (which includes training for the world of Voiceovers) starts Sunday 2-5. Call and we'll talk all about how it can help you get the acting work you want, whether it's voiceover, commercials, narrations, infomercials, and for vocal improvement for any kind of business you are in. It'll give you CONFIDENCE and CONTROL in your auditions and communication. Ginny Kopf 407-381-5275"
I think the voice is a personality tool and today I croaked up an emotion. Most people have something like a slur. They think their voice is just a product of their health. They don't even think about how their nose affects their voice. They don't even use singing in their lives... They don't care about race and don't attune to the accents like New York state, Boston & NYC, South Carolina and Georgia, the New Orleans dialect, and then the country, sometimes thought to be "the west." Floridians and Californians are really annoying but open, but I can't do anything about it because I'm a Floridian and people aren't open to me since my mom they somehow know is tan I guess and my dad might have Native American indian and the seemingly common German Jewish, like a lot of people. They really won't help me if I'm Native American. I just realized that in the south, they are more comfortable, the Native Americans. So, yes, I do have and have been told by my peers all the time when I was cool that I have a pure Floridian accent or rather that I have no accent I'm from Florida my accent is no accent that is the way everyone should be!!! I heard in L.A. and I guess throughout California.. like San Fransisco and the area that they have the Valley Girls and I grew to like it when I was in the New Orleans region. I heard that was all there was and all there will ever be, that there will be no new generations. :| Yes.. They just have really ***y voices and aren't muddled up in northern culture, but I had this friend who I think has a dad or maybe also mom from Canada. xp So... :| They not only have the pure voice but are so ...ed up, you know? They won't even think straight. They're like a hiccup, a ditzy. They just want to know where your parents are from because people from up north want to .... me for being from Florida and then criticize me for having blood from Scranton, etc.. PA Dutch? Also somewhere in NY. Like, they want to hurt me for my culture but never my voice. See, my mom has a European accent. You know, Ginny, not everybody can sing. I had to learn. My parents love good music. I grew up close to my mom ***ually but didn't like feel that tingly feeling so much. With my dad, we had the proper English relationship, no ... with my dad. I don't know about my brother, he's not very European and mocks me under protection of my parents.. I al ways grew up being the most European and was whiter than everyone else I told the people in the racial crisis type forum, but I changed since then. 8| In Loo eez ee anna lazy louisiana, they thought I was a foreign exchange student because of my mom. I actually sang more alone, there, so my accent kinda was lost. Oh, I just called but see you must have already gone to bed after class, I would but decided to do more singing and am eating and had to get my stuff etc., loading some practice videos, too. In Orlando, I got a sorta s--- voice.. I picked up on the tacky things here, also had this ½ Spanish ballet teacher who was young who said things funny maybe like brruther. I also picked up on the really low things in the New Orleans area. I didn't really connect with the girl from San Fransisco's voice. :| Same with the girl from L.A. I just don't in that sorta bland, raspy way. I finally got rid of the accent of the girl from NYC I'm working with for a lot of the part.. So, I feed off of people from California. I see you feed off of people from certain places. I saw Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, and Washington (state,) 2 from Wisconsin. Ah I'm gonna go eat guess I'll catch you later.. :) I see we can't Share, anymore, is there a reason? I see that sometimes.
Hi, yes, I would like to come. I hope this is a big turnout. I guess I have to make sure I ask you where it is. If it's not in your home, I wonder if there will be a nice place to eat. :) My mom can't make it, and I'll probably just go without my dad. I see people I knew online in Northeastern Florida.. but they haven't spoken to me and are busy with their lives, would like to come some of them, though. Even my aunts are busy. 1 of them might not be. You'd know she's about your age.. but she doesn't e-mail me, now, I guess because I haven't e-mailed her lately. I don't seem to know anyone in Orlando but know I've seen people thru my mom.
♥ http://cab1986orlfl20.blogspot.com/2013/02/20130227-1.html
To: ginny.kopf
"Join me for the next Voice workshop! The Professional Voice (which includes training for the world of Voiceovers) starts Sunday 2-5. Call and we'll talk all about how it can help you get the acting work you want, whether it's voiceover, commercials, narrations, infomercials, and for vocal improvement for any kind of business you are in. It'll give you CONFIDENCE and CONTROL in your auditions and communication. Ginny Kopf 407-381-5275"
I think the voice is a personality tool and today I croaked up an emotion. Most people have something like a slur. They think their voice is just a product of their health. They don't even think about how their nose affects their voice. They don't even use singing in their lives... They don't care about race and don't attune to the accents like New York state, Boston & NYC, South Carolina and Georgia, the New Orleans dialect, and then the country, sometimes thought to be "the west." Floridians and Californians are really annoying but open, but I can't do anything about it because I'm a Floridian and people aren't open to me since my mom they somehow know is tan I guess and my dad might have Native American indian and the seemingly common German Jewish, like a lot of people. They really won't help me if I'm Native American. I just realized that in the south, they are more comfortable, the Native Americans. So, yes, I do have and have been told by my peers all the time when I was cool that I have a pure Floridian accent or rather that I have no accent I'm from Florida my accent is no accent that is the way everyone should be!!! I heard in L.A. and I guess throughout California.. like San Fransisco and the area that they have the Valley Girls and I grew to like it when I was in the New Orleans region. I heard that was all there was and all there will ever be, that there will be no new generations. :| Yes.. They just have really ***y voices and aren't muddled up in northern culture, but I had this friend who I think has a dad or maybe also mom from Canada. xp So... :| They not only have the pure voice but are so ...ed up, you know? They won't even think straight. They're like a hiccup, a ditzy. They just want to know where your parents are from because people from up north want to .... me for being from Florida and then criticize me for having blood from Scranton, etc.. PA Dutch? Also somewhere in NY. Like, they want to hurt me for my culture but never my voice. See, my mom has a European accent. You know, Ginny, not everybody can sing. I had to learn. My parents love good music. I grew up close to my mom ***ually but didn't like feel that tingly feeling so much. With my dad, we had the proper English relationship, no ... with my dad. I don't know about my brother, he's not very European and mocks me under protection of my parents.. I al ways grew up being the most European and was whiter than everyone else I told the people in the racial crisis type forum, but I changed since then. 8| In Loo eez ee anna lazy louisiana, they thought I was a foreign exchange student because of my mom. I actually sang more alone, there, so my accent kinda was lost. Oh, I just called but see you must have already gone to bed after class, I would but decided to do more singing and am eating and had to get my stuff etc., loading some practice videos, too. In Orlando, I got a sorta s--- voice.. I picked up on the tacky things here, also had this ½ Spanish ballet teacher who was young who said things funny maybe like brruther. I also picked up on the really low things in the New Orleans area. I didn't really connect with the girl from San Fransisco's voice. :| Same with the girl from L.A. I just don't in that sorta bland, raspy way. I finally got rid of the accent of the girl from NYC I'm working with for a lot of the part.. So, I feed off of people from California. I see you feed off of people from certain places. I saw Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, and Washington (state,) 2 from Wisconsin. Ah I'm gonna go eat guess I'll catch you later.. :) I see we can't Share, anymore, is there a reason? I see that sometimes.
Hi, yes, I would like to come. I hope this is a big turnout. I guess I have to make sure I ask you where it is. If it's not in your home, I wonder if there will be a nice place to eat. :) My mom can't make it, and I'll probably just go without my dad. I see people I knew online in Northeastern Florida.. but they haven't spoken to me and are busy with their lives, would like to come some of them, though. Even my aunts are busy. 1 of them might not be. You'd know she's about your age.. but she doesn't e-mail me, now, I guess because I haven't e-mailed her lately. I don't seem to know anyone in Orlando but know I've seen people thru my mom.
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