I realzied why I was mad

She is being rebellious about social networking online.  Also, she is doing it just to me.  That is suggestive considering what I'm supposed to feel, if you know what I'm talking about..  It's just 1 more piece of bullcrap for me to have to think about.  I kinda don't want to ask her to add me on a new Facebook.. hey I did get a new Facebook.  She said she would.  She was supposed to say why she wouldn't.  She seems gay like Órla Karron Fallon.  I just get a definiitive, stuck up message from her.  Everyone else can tell she's crass.  I am so sick of this bullshit of people telling me I'm gay to want organized attention, that's why, but I'm also mad at the fact all these people in the community turn on me.  My old choir director and organ teacher has nothing to live for.  She's a * * *.  She teaches gay kids.

I just had a revelation. 8|

Some people will never let you network among attractive people.

I don't know anyone who just doesn't answer - take my old choir director and my old theater teacher disappearing from Facebook ... my old friends..  I realize that I mean she lives here, but still..

Inappropriate

I mean I don't have family from the New Orleans area, and I am from Florida.  I don't want to listen to her crass bullshit that I didn't respond right away.  You know, I had this friend who seemed to theme that me wanting to talk to people was looking for ***.  See, she is just being flirtatious.  I see she likes me, but maybe she just isn't very active online.  I won't take her crass bullshit that she won't respond the way Tim Burton holds out.  I think it's because of him.  She might not be normal, but she seemed like a good person.  What happened to my fuckin choir director and organ teacher?  She doesn't respond much.  Haha, I know what you're thinking, too.  There was this other teacher I was supposed to talk to, but she left Facebook.

Dream

I had this good feeling walking around.  So, I was at this lot, like on a floor of a lot by an airport, like at a theater class, like Ellen DeGeneres was the teacher.  I was thinking about my mom's age.  I kept feeling good the whole time, like based with all over.  I don't distinctly remember the instructor.  I filed in early and found people in the class, 1 was like tall with light medium brown hair, bnags, glasses, straight smooth hair, another maybe black and kinda like the girl I'm working with a little plump a good height, another girl the same stature but white maybe like reddish darker hair, the other maybe some similar blend, maybe a little taller and slimmer.  I kept walking around, but I kept feeling good.  I think the instructor was like looking over shouting.  She was like concerned and caring but supposedly strict academically.  It's an interesting way to be, maybe was also looking for Ginny but not actually in this dream but probablya distant thought.

What I Did

I recorded 3 acting things.  I'm posting it on YouTube.  I did my workouts after the laundry, still have to iron.  Washing the towels..  The acting was interesting, maybe valuable enough.  I should do it more recording my face because it engaged me more.  When I have it memorized, maybe I can do it standing, again.  It's just that it was hard to remember.  I guess I have to sit there and think of it remembering, maybe can try it without recording my face.  It seems like not as fun that way, though..

Disney World

Why is Ginny so sarcastic like Órla Karron Fallon and Ellen DeGeneres?  She acted like the kids here who are from Orlando since maybe around age 13 set themselves up to hypnotize themselves to submission that they had a fair shot at life compared to most people and that they did the right thing but that they were some *** object to Ginny just because she is like famous for doing the talking at Disney or something since the 80s.  The fact is it's just because she's attractive, too, and not like someone too skinny born like around the time of Céline Dion - and why do you find it tacky I mentioned her because it's not.  I haven't really heard anyone talk about it so don't know.  I want to talk about it, just mention it ... gotta problem, just trying to impress someone, trying to achieve some contrapted ideal?  I have a feeling it won't work ~ Just admit that she's ***y and has good ideals but gawp at the fact she's born in 1958 and has a mom from California, maybe appreciate her dad being from Pittsburgh-  I met up with people from another area, and their kids's mistake is that they are stuck up about working, like no one should help them in thinking about working, selling souveniers at Wicked, which is about the Wizard of Oz..  Bottom line don't sit there and shit with me about my parents's heritage, I'm not supposed to have to suffer because of it.  So, I mean, these kids are pressuring me not to succeed.  I want to find a place I can go, but I want to stay here so I can live easily.  They think you have to sit there and think you're nothing to encourage others to think they're nothing, have no goal they are striving for, think it's desirable, yet tacky, won't admit they have to go pleasure themselves themselves.  I know I used to be like that but not in that way.  I mean, I looked presentable, I didn't like role my eyes and buzz my lips at the teacher and show off my, like, nigger skin cells.  I didn't approve of thinking things were shit just to put off what I was supposed to do.  I wanted to be like you were supposed to, didn't think I was supposed to be like a beggar on the street, not sure how to elaborate on that nor shout it out.  Why is Ginny so inhibited.  Everyone I know who's moved here is outspoken.  Ginny just thinks I'm an adult, shoudln't know my age.  She doesn't respond appropriately, just doesn't really seem that accomplished.  It's bugging me, I don't want to have to respect like some thing she's saying I'm not good enough for when everyone before Tim Burton came around would like approach me, and no one will accept the new me.  No one even accepts I'm a kid to my mom, anymore.  My dad was already off.  He will cycle into the thought that he's not.  The kids here are totally the opposite and I can't get the pressure off to stop thinking about the pressure they have on me, that I need their attention or needed it, in some way.  They just won't get off.  I guess it's keeping me from thinking.  I want to feel attractive, not like Floridian scum.  I mean, Florida was supposed to be a good place, has a nice sea breeze and Disney World.

No Chance

I don't know why people have been so mean to me lately.  I mean, I know I was staying up late and depended on being kicked out but forgot I was, what's the word, disturbed that I was kicked out of Music Education and Singing as a class.

I heard a click in my bathroom.  It seems that I have to wait for something to stop bothering me.  I don't want to put up with this bull, at all.  I mean, I'm not in the mood.

Ex er cise

Time to do some workouts ... mmm ... core and chest?

I'm loading like 9 videos of me playing piano and singing some of them.  I need more songs I used to have and some more musical theater books.. which doesn't amount to much, I guess..

What I Have to Do

I want to practice, finish my homework.. make my little shopping list.  I guess I will go to bed, soon, am eating.  Still feel kinda loaded from gymnastics on top of weight training.

Also, Remember

"Selfish" by Asia Cruise in Jacksonville, the major city in Florida in the NE

Sean Kingston, is it!

Do you like "Beautiful Girls" or "Me Love?"

About the Class

So, people are really mean to the young lady from Russia.  I know she is not German, but I mean Russia is a secondary major country.  I can understand they be mean to me being from America, but I mean it's like they're just attacking right and left anyone with anything to offer..

Pain

I'm in a lot of pain.  I need to figure out how to record TV in my room on my sofa where I lie down facing the TV.  I feel so immobile.  3I  I will practice acting, too.  The week has gone by so fast, and I'm doing gymnastics again on Saturday.

Dream

I think I was sitting in Ginny's big lap.  I forget the nostalgia, the "violence" or danger.

Later on, I was in this huge class, had been trying to sign up for ballet for a few times around.  So, I was in this huge computer like sorta hall-feeling room, getting my stuff, passed this naughty girl who was rather stocky, fuzzy mousy light blonde hair.  So, some reason, I was in a bus with Ellen DeGeneres, and I was supposed to film myself as though I had a headband on.  I told her to do it, and she was stuck on the idea that I was supposed to do it kinda but I was so quick to flip the lid that that wasn't an issue that existed.  It felt like I was really there.  So, then, the popular girl in front was like acting like a lot of kids do and said can I sit on your lap or something ... don't remember what happened, but she was acting funny.  I think like it was about people from California.  So, then, like people were jumping off or stuff.  I think when I did something she jumped off.  I think I fell off, and someone would get me, but they knocked the old tall lady out and then it was like she liked me.  Then, I was thinking about how Ellen DeGeneres said like she wasn't that big at, like, 11, and I sorta cowered up and said I was as big as I ever was just fatter now..  So, I was thinking about how she was so tall but why she filled out.  I guess I had a little happy, thinking I was dead and walking over to her and she was supposed to pick me up because I was so much younger than her and a kid and like she was an age of my mom..  I woke up..

I also had a dream of Alice in Wonderland, that she wasn't short, in a big image.  Ah, yes, and the mother was in the car and I had another situation before where they approved me.

Performance

I went to the bathroom, like, 6 times, during the performing.

So

My old organ teacher and choir director is my friend on Facebook on multiple accounts but didn't talk to me for years.

The Little Things

So, why does Tim Burton get so mad at little mistakes?  Just say maybe it was the school?  Isn't that partly his fault and belief?  Like, people are using real things to hurt you and hurting you constantly when talking just to prove you are like nothing but a cushion to sit on.

Facebook Post

picture

Christina Barrett Hi, I know the Becks, see the little 1.. never met them but seem to know them better than the others. 3) So, I look like the girls on the end because of my size and stature.. but in my pictures I don't always look like that when I'm not in school. ;? So.. I guess in personality I'm like the girl on the left.. I would be too embarrassed to be a cheerleader, maybe want to do ballet but don't want to. I mean I would, but I don't. So, I can connect with people from anywhere, I mean. South Carolina, Oklahoma.., Idaho?, ... If I lived somewhere else other than the state I'm in :| maybe would be like South Carolina.. except lots of people move there. http://youtu.be/PpYCzZ___Bk I already know that I want to be what I want to be, and it's complicated, but I still like to have fun. So, nice picture, want to keep up more. :? Hey, watcha think of Jackie Evancho? I'm involved in lots of famous vocalists from different places like the French in Ireland.

Sears

a few seconds ago · Unlike · 1 ·

Hey..

So, why is my post on Renée Fleming's wall gone?  ,:[  Why doesn't anyone take me seriously?  I know what they look for in singing.  She just knows I also know how to play the piano.  I put it up there just for people to comment on, didn't want anyone to report it, was just a link to my blog..  ,:[  Also, she seems worried about how she parents her own daughters.  ,:[  1 of them is in college, though..  :|

Y Get Mad

Why would you get mad at me for like something your student did?  I wonder if that college had nothing to offer.  Wow, what's the point in singing.  I added videos of a girl I like who sings.  Maria Kate.

Playlist

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