Disney World

Why is Ginny so sarcastic like Órla Karron Fallon and Ellen DeGeneres?  She acted like the kids here who are from Orlando since maybe around age 13 set themselves up to hypnotize themselves to submission that they had a fair shot at life compared to most people and that they did the right thing but that they were some *** object to Ginny just because she is like famous for doing the talking at Disney or something since the 80s.  The fact is it's just because she's attractive, too, and not like someone too skinny born like around the time of Céline Dion - and why do you find it tacky I mentioned her because it's not.  I haven't really heard anyone talk about it so don't know.  I want to talk about it, just mention it ... gotta problem, just trying to impress someone, trying to achieve some contrapted ideal?  I have a feeling it won't work ~ Just admit that she's ***y and has good ideals but gawp at the fact she's born in 1958 and has a mom from California, maybe appreciate her dad being from Pittsburgh-  I met up with people from another area, and their kids's mistake is that they are stuck up about working, like no one should help them in thinking about working, selling souveniers at Wicked, which is about the Wizard of Oz..  Bottom line don't sit there and shit with me about my parents's heritage, I'm not supposed to have to suffer because of it.  So, I mean, these kids are pressuring me not to succeed.  I want to find a place I can go, but I want to stay here so I can live easily.  They think you have to sit there and think you're nothing to encourage others to think they're nothing, have no goal they are striving for, think it's desirable, yet tacky, won't admit they have to go pleasure themselves themselves.  I know I used to be like that but not in that way.  I mean, I looked presentable, I didn't like role my eyes and buzz my lips at the teacher and show off my, like, nigger skin cells.  I didn't approve of thinking things were shit just to put off what I was supposed to do.  I wanted to be like you were supposed to, didn't think I was supposed to be like a beggar on the street, not sure how to elaborate on that nor shout it out.  Why is Ginny so inhibited.  Everyone I know who's moved here is outspoken.  Ginny just thinks I'm an adult, shoudln't know my age.  She doesn't respond appropriately, just doesn't really seem that accomplished.  It's bugging me, I don't want to have to respect like some thing she's saying I'm not good enough for when everyone before Tim Burton came around would like approach me, and no one will accept the new me.  No one even accepts I'm a kid to my mom, anymore.  My dad was already off.  He will cycle into the thought that he's not.  The kids here are totally the opposite and I can't get the pressure off to stop thinking about the pressure they have on me, that I need their attention or needed it, in some way.  They just won't get off.  I guess it's keeping me from thinking.  I want to feel attractive, not like Floridian scum.  I mean, Florida was supposed to be a good place, has a nice sea breeze and Disney World.

Bed

:/

Parents home @ 8..

Good. Nite. 3)

Problem

So, I need an alternate plan for clothes..my dad didn't plan it out, you NIGGERS.

Decisions Decisions

So, my parents are leaving tomorrow @ 4 to visit my grandma at my aunt's on the way to Gainesville until Wednesday.  I just am too tired to even visit..  I do want to see a movie I missed, maybe will see it in 2 weeks or pile up?

My brother is going to where he's going to college until Friday, I think..

E-Mail

2 New Dresses

I found 2 children's dresses I want plus 1 kind of pink blazer to go with them.  I also found children's shoes, a pack of knee high socks, some leggings, and some cheap costume gloves.

Pink Child's Party Dress 1
Size 13|14 - $49.99
http://www.flowergirldressforless.com/mm5/merchant.mvc?Screen=PROD&Store_Code=Flower-Girl&Product_Code=MB_1082HP&Category_Code=100#ad-image-0

Pink Child's Party Dress 2
Size 13|14 - $49.99
http://www.flowergirldressforless.com/mm5/merchant.mvc?Screen=PROD&Store_Code=Flower-Girl&Product_Code=MB_209HP&Category_Code=100#ad-image-0

Pink Tween's Blazers
Buy 2 of these - Size L - $6.99
http://www.sears.com/shc/s/p_10153_12605_002VA50670501P?sid=IDx01192011x000001&kispla=002VA50670501P&srccode=cii_17588969&cpncode=31-86850801-2

White Children's Thigh Socks
Size 9-11 - $7.50
http://www.sears.com/joe-boxer-girl-39-s-7-11-3-pair-white/p-029F2493000P

White Women's Tights
Buy 2 of these - Size XL - $10
http://www.jcpenney.com/dotcom/socks-hosiery/knit-leggings/prod.jump?ppId=pp5002301332&N=1405&searchTerm=leggings&topDim=Color&topDimvalue=whites&dimCombo=Color|&dimComboVal=whites|&currentDim=Color&currentDimVal=whites&catId=SearchResults

White Party Costume Gloves
Buy 2 of these - 1 size fits all - $5.99
http://www.partycity.com/product/white+gloves+teen.do

Children's Shoes
Size 5 - $16.99
http://www.cookieskids.com/Product.aspx?l=00190069026400000000&p=RAM01236

Total
_______
$170.43

So, I hope you can get me the 2 dresses, + the rest to go with them.  I mean, if you can't get it all, I'd say not to get 1 of the blazers, but they are only $6.99, so, I mean, it's all very cheap.  The shoes are only $16.99.  The tights from JCPenney are $10 so must be good.  The gloves are $5.99 per pair.  The total being $170.43 guess the tax will make my monthly shopping for extra things or a nice set of clothes $200.  Otherwise, I have clothes, but I wanted to dress up more, like a girl, I guess.  :|  I hope you can buy this.  You can ask Mom to help or to borrow some of my monthly money she kept.  I hope you can get it, though, because I mean the dresses, I only am getting 2 things and each is only $50 for a fancy party dress, pretty good.  The rest is all very cheap: cheap blazers for $6.99, socks, tights, party costume gloves, and children's shoes.  So, without tax, the total for the 2 outfits for school at least this month is only roughly $170..  I don't plan to take gymnastics classes but may go to open gym, at least maybe tomorrow night when there's no school.  As for other shopping, I just may need more blonde shampoo, not sure how I will do my hair.  So nothing else big, as far as I know, until I need a fan.  So, see, the dresses are each only $50.  I probably will not go looking for any more school outfits.  I saw some things I kinda liked but not that much really.  I mean, maybe next month I'll find something but dunno.  Okay, I hope we can get it.  Thanks.

Different from Grandparents

Why is my dad like not good like his parents, it was because he was a different European mix..

Honking In

What do you think of my dad like honking in when my mom does something personal with me, like since I'm a really good girl, like he goes all schizo, that it isn't so, in feeling?

Facebook Post

To: Renée Fleming

Nice to see all the posts here. I have been a fan of her I guess for a long time. My dad introduced me to her when I was a music major and got in voice. I had to leave after about a year. Well, I can sing. Anyway, I like to sing and move, at the same time.. }:] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cAhVu9ImBWw&feature=share&list=PLaGbICdZ92sbD8UoEPjU9UcznBDNT6rYE Ms Fleming should get a personal site where she controls like a place for people to submit their singing if they so chose and she can chose to comment. }:] I think I had a more, you know, "melodious" voice.. when I was a bit younger. :| Why do people just want you to like submit the strenght of your voice?? :/ I just never got around to recording it so much. When I sang more softly and sweetly and very controlled compared to most everyone.., I remember recording it, but Heaven knows where the recordings went.. We lost all the recordings of me when I was younger and most of the good pictures I had.. The benefit of singing loudly as a child when I was with my little brother more I guess, probably gave me the strengt to carry on. I was a very symmetrical type person, wanted a figure but was not treated as a European. You know dancers don't have good voices. The thing is I did gymnastics and not so much dance 1st when I was younger only once or twice a week. I wanted to go every day but sing, too.  I wish I took voice from the Russian teacher who taught me piano, but I was too shy and then didn't have time to practice piano. I was good at piano, and it stimulated me more about music. You can hear it in the orchestra, even, and it really taught me about counterpoint and harmony|chords, more exercises in rhythm. Going to school to learn to be a holistic person in Gifted and some AP classes, I would fit in exercises of staccato... I know my music teacher's daughter did gymnastics. Her voice sounded like speaking or shouting as she got older, like she was too shy to sound sweet, like she had no imagination, maybe because she kept going to her mom for all the attention.. I was just sitting there a long time. So, yes, about kids who sing. My mom is very artistic, but as for singing I mean she has a pretty European accent? She majored in ESL, which is English as a Second Language. Er, my dad was a rhythm guitarist, so. :| He also enjoyed being a loved photographer of models when they had more professional, nice things available. I'm sure he was top notch, had 2 other jobs, made it through college, though, and now makes a lot of money.. His parents both loved to sing, but he just sang with his guitar alone sometimes, never cared to sing loudly like his parents. My parents only talk loudly when they're mad or if they think that something is funny.. So, I don't know why you don't listen to me if I'm interested in the same things you are and instead like saddle onto being interested in my parents, like I came with no kid. Oh, and my mom's mom wanted her to be a singer, but her sister sang just a little as a toddler-kid... and then she is a piano teacher now and so knows all about music, yes.. No, I don't mean she is a singer! I just touched base.. 8| So, anyway, I seem to have a lot of more attractive singing skills, like I'm a singing cartoon because I was hurt. I was able to catch on but didn't record much. My life became an experiment and I lost my singing skills but got more sleep but kinda burned out, I guess, wish I was somehow convinced I could take a break from college- :| So, don't come to like keep at me moralistically on my appreciation of the joy of singing, maybe enjoy me for who I am and not for like wanting something I didn't admit. Not many singers like me, not many would be like as good as me and more confident, like most of the boys are?? You just kinda watch, think maybe there's no hope, and that there's just a lot to improve, so just leave and have nothing to add but then realize I'm more talented than most people. You want to know my story, again?? Gymnastics gave me a good stomach as a kid, and then I quit... I was a very disciplined person but not withheld. I was a tomboy after my brother was born.. I used to talk a lot, so that would be a good thing. My parents often preached and croaked until a certain point in time that you are not supposed to dribble to babies, in fact most people did that lazily. My brother, however, studdered, and I think it ruined me.. I think I was told that I had nothing to say too much. It's like they expected us to take singing. So, then I told my mom I want to sing somehow.. I was 7. I told my parents, "I like to sing," when I was 5 and sang a cute school song for them. My dad was like, okay. He kinda looked at me mockingly, no one else does that like that, like when they chose to get close. So, my mom got me in choir. I do not know why she did not tell me about private voice. I think it was a secret, yes, in the world. I just don't want you to think anything bad because lots of kids's moms won't do that, maybe because like they do ballet or maybe they don't have the means. I wouldn't do that.. I still am not sure why. Maybe, I had problems. My parents used to want me to do ballet, but I finally did it. I just didn't want to be fat and sunken in. It definitely made me who I am today. I know my skin got whiter, but I don't know why. So, what's wrong with gymnastics if you do other physical things? I didn't actually do it when I was older.. and my voice got pretty and feminine because of it, maybe had enough. I know I did well in P.E. I mean, I was fit since I was toddler, like my whole life. I wasn't malnutritioned and didn't pig out on like candy and stuff. Maybe, I need to get in shape? I'm a human, though, and I like to eat tasty food, but I don't pig out on junk and soda, at all. I don't eat Italian shit. So, after being so perfectly fit from the gymnastics and being successful in what ballet I did, we listened to Enya and stuff and my parents got me classical music. I was known to be gifted playing by ear on the piano, starting at 9½, like lots of people who do well at like 12 are thought to be good, for example, and I was a good student, so, no one dare disapprove of me in the end, morally. :| "It's never to late to play the piano," everyone "said." So, I had fun with like Enya and stuff, like that, church music, didn't really play Enya, but I seemed to be like that. Luckily we had another Irish CD like that kinda, more folksy, and of course some other influences, of course.. I just won't accept people not accepting me. I am not a bad, dumb person. So, we moved, and then I started getting into musicals and was in a more casual choir, but it was righteous and sorta old.. I had some other experiences, I guess, and I got in college and then I had a year of voice where really they didn't seem to have any sorta talent to offer, you know? Singers can get fat, though, and lose their talent for not using it. Singers who like get in shape as singers, you might say, don't have powerful voices.  I count all my experience in music, theater with musical theater. I also had a great interest in pop music around the time of the Titanic. Why not help me? Is it just too late? No one really seems to appreciate me academically, the failures that exist today. I guess they don't stop and think about what's probably wrong with their own singing. I mean, you can't say you're better or everyone keep saying they're not good enough to make me feel good in any sorta meaningful way. They think that the education system was just like sorta bait or katnip you might call it. You know, I studied in Washington, a graduate course, my 1st summer of college. It's definitely a hidden desire once you dispose of dealing with me. :|

Unfair in Comparison

Why was I made fun of for keep going?  I know my dad "was unfair to my mom."

Ever think that people from other places don't really accept Elle DeGeneres?

I mean, I probably should have been more healthier to take voice.  Would have been nice.  Should find a European teacher.  Also want to take some sort of class from Ginny.  Probably not diction.  I feel as though I'd want to teach her to sing.  She could just have fun with me and like see if she knows squat.  I mean, she works with speakers and also with singers to speak, so that is very important.  I don't also just hang out with singers, I hang out with people to hang out.

Y

Why do people like my parents and like want something from them and maybe even want to help them?

Y 0 Y

Why would you go along and rush kids in year like 2000 something early 2000s to all act so modern in that sorta juicy, sparkly, spiky way.. not in a cool way.  And like sorta knock all the older Generation Y kids out to never be that way?  Or should I say younger Generation X?  I am not sure, I think it's like a graduation, a collection of maybe people born before 1992.  So, then, you sit there are wonder how to change something.  Well, like, the problem would be for me I'm not all white and I have traits that are like not really European so I'm not like as straight.  I don't see why me having an older dad is so bad, I mean I can't hang out with other people with dads my age?

Not Happy

Hey stop looking at me like I have to be in the style of my dad's generation, you messed up dweebs.. and stop telling me I'm a dork!

So, he came home early.. Spring Break.

Wasn't really happy to see his sour attitude, and he acts like my mom is younger, like his younger sister, I should s*** him.

So

Why are you telling me I have to hold off being from Pennsylvania in the way I have Pennsylvania blood when I am not at all from there, my dad is.  What the fuck is your goddamn problem!  You gotta issue?  Look, got anything to say??  :|

Stop

Look just leave my dad out I'm gonna * you "Tim Burton."

ARGH STOP

My mom put a shirt behind my shirts of my dad, I don't want to touch him in a perverted way, that's not how I was brought up, GO. AWAY. YOU GODDAMN NIGGERS-  I think I should just * you.  You better stop because I know what you did.  ,:[  What do you think I am, stupid?

Facebook Post

I just called to ask you when it was, guess I will have to call you tomorrow if I don't ask on Thursday while I'm waiting for my Therapist appointment.  I don't really know anyone in Orlando, so I don't know who to ask to come with me.  Lots of people I know have been interested in singing and things..  :(

♥ http://cab1986orlfl20.blogspot.com/2013/02/20130227-1.html

To: ginny.kopf

"Join me for the next Voice workshop! The Professional Voice (which includes training for the world of Voiceovers) starts Sunday 2-5. Call and we'll talk all about how it can help you get the acting work you want, whether it's voiceover, commercials, narrations, infomercials, and for vocal improvement for any kind of business you are in. It'll give you CONFIDENCE and CONTROL in your auditions and communication. Ginny Kopf 407-381-5275"

I think the voice is a personality tool and today I croaked up an emotion. Most people have something like a slur. They think their voice is just a product of their health. They don't even think about how their nose affects their voice. They don't even use singing in their lives... They don't care about race and don't attune to the accents like New York state, Boston & NYC, South Carolina and Georgia, the New Orleans dialect, and then the country, sometimes thought to be "the west." Floridians and Californians are really annoying but open, but I can't do anything about it because I'm a Floridian and people aren't open to me since my mom they somehow know is tan I guess and my dad might have Native American indian and the seemingly common German Jewish, like a lot of people. They really won't help me if I'm Native American. I just realized that in the south, they are more comfortable, the Native Americans. So, yes, I do have and have been told by my peers all the time when I was cool that I have a pure Floridian accent or rather that I have no accent I'm from Florida my accent is no accent that is the way everyone should be!!! I heard in L.A. and I guess throughout California.. like San Fransisco and the area that they have the Valley Girls and I grew to like it when I was in the New Orleans region. I heard that was all there was and all there will ever be, that there will be no new generations. :| Yes.. They just have really ***y voices and aren't muddled up in northern culture, but I had this friend who I think has a dad or maybe also mom from Canada. xp So... :| They not only have the pure voice but are so ...ed up, you know? They won't even think straight. They're like a hiccup, a ditzy. They just want to know where your parents are from because people from up north want to .... me for being from Florida and then criticize me for having blood from Scranton, etc.. PA Dutch? Also somewhere in NY. Like, they want to hurt me for my culture but never my voice. See, my mom has a European accent. You know, Ginny, not everybody can sing. I had to learn. My parents love good music. I grew up close to my mom ***ually but didn't like feel that tingly feeling so much. With my dad, we had the proper English relationship, no ... with my dad. I don't know about my brother, he's not very European and mocks me under protection of my parents.. I al ways grew up being the most European and was whiter than everyone else I told the people in the racial crisis type forum, but I changed since then. 8| In Loo eez ee anna lazy louisiana, they thought I was a foreign exchange student because of my mom. I actually sang more alone, there, so my accent kinda was lost. Oh, I just called but see you must have already gone to bed after class, I would but decided to do more singing and am eating and had to get my stuff etc., loading some practice videos, too. In Orlando, I got a sorta s--- voice.. I picked up on the tacky things here, also had this ½ Spanish ballet teacher who was young who said things funny maybe like brruther. I also picked up on the really low things in the New Orleans area. I didn't really connect with the girl from San Fransisco's voice. :| Same with the girl from L.A. I just don't in that sorta bland, raspy way. I finally got rid of the accent of the girl from NYC I'm working with for a lot of the part.. So, I feed off of people from California. I see you feed off of people from certain places. I saw Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, and Washington (state,) 2 from Wisconsin. Ah I'm gonna go eat guess I'll catch you later.. :) I see we can't Share, anymore, is there a reason? I see that sometimes.

Hi, yes, I would like to come. I hope this is a big turnout. I guess I have to make sure I ask you where it is. If it's not in your home, I wonder if there will be a nice place to eat. :) My mom can't make it, and I'll probably just go without my dad. I see people I knew online in Northeastern Florida.. but they haven't spoken to me and are busy with their lives, would like to come some of them, though. Even my aunts are busy. 1 of them might not be. You'd know she's about your age.. but she doesn't e-mail me, now, I guess because I haven't e-mailed her lately.  I don't seem to know anyone in Orlando but know I've seen people thru my mom.

Orlando ballet

What's so good about the ballet here?  I already tried going to all the places.  They're a bit fake.  I really don't get it.  They just aren't like constructed in the flesh.  They're more like there for fun but not good, not good people, as everyone knows.  I had this nice roommate with bright red hair who was homeschooled.  The ballet teacher's daughter looked very hollow as she got older, impressed everyone she encountered, also homeschooled.  I guess her mom moved to the New Orleans area or maybe her mom.  I thought they moved there later.  So, she's kinda gay.  Her dad is really nice, so I don't get it.  Her mom is so ***y.  Like, she has like a protruding forehead, reminds me of Ginny.  I guess her mom is ***ier.  I mean, my dad has ***y sisters.  It makes people mad that he's nice.  I kinda thought of myself as my mom because I thought it was sweet and it'd be gay otherwise because I'm a girl.  I relate to my dad like I'm the female!  He's not some perv born in 1953 like his sister.

Oh no! ^0^

Po', po' Lily.  I am not really mad at her.  I calmed down and simply reported it..  I am a bit actively violent about my parents, so-

Laundry

So, while my parents were at the grocery store and getting my little pizza, I put away laundry and ironed 2 loads.  I washed another load after they got back.  Now, I have to fold a heavy, heavy load and dry another and wash some more things.  I just don't really feel like it.  I have to rehearse on camera.  I'm a little weak, should think of going for a jog with weights, not sure how far I'll make it.

Problems

So, these gay farts born in the mid 40s think that they said like okay it's your choice to be quality old-fashioned European.  Now, like, they just flubbed up.  Wow, what a big deal over nothing.  Talk about power at the wheel.

I got another idea that Ginny is riding along the idea I'm like my little brother.  That's totally Hellenistic.  Let's make my dad his dead brothers.  Come on, you nigger.  You dumb fuck.

What else?  I got some violent thoughts @ Lily Rose.  I got the idea she's communicated with people who know me.. and put that picture up to say that I was old like my dad and my relations go in that way to someone who is racist against me.  They worsened as my mom like chimed in, supposedly under influence of my dad.  She would get mad at these thoughts, but I mean she just gets mad if she sees me thinking mad things about her because I can't help it.  I don't know what she does when I thought of things like that.  I'm grown up, now, so it doesn't matter.  She might see there is a reason and I don't mean it and it might be other people's faults.  I didn't want to.  I finally felt theraputic and calmed down, but then my mom made me mad again by thinking it was a joke like Ellen.

Hey, why is Ginny so flippant and intent on making other successful people feel like crap?  That's no one's fault Ginny.  I don't feel sorry for the likes of you in Florida..  What the fuck is your problem?  I wonder if she is on Facebook and blocked me.  She doesn't have many new friends.  I could ask her after class.. you know, she rushes after class, but I hope it's not because of Facebook.  She can teach me once a week.  Why does she bother talking to anyone, that goddamn nigger.  Why don't we just **** her?

What's this sentiment I sound like my little brother when talking about shit like Lily Rose and "Órla" "Karron" "Fallon."  Also, stop saying I offended you by not being as ***y as my mom because her race isn't white.  What's this shit with my dad now?  I thought that was settled, you goddamn nigger.