New Blog

I realzied why I was mad

She is being rebellious about social networking online.  Also, she is doing it just to me.  That is suggestive considering what I'm supposed to feel, if you know what I'm talking about..  It's just 1 more piece of bullcrap for me to have to think about.  I kinda don't want to ask her to add me on a new Facebook.. hey I did get a new Facebook.  She said she would.  She was supposed to say why she wouldn't.  She seems gay like Órla Karron Fallon.  I just get a definiitive, stuck up message from her.  Everyone else can tell she's crass.  I am so sick of this bullshit of people telling me I'm gay to want organized attention, that's why, but I'm also mad at the fact all these people in the community turn on me.  My old choir director and organ teacher has nothing to live for.  She's a * * *.  She teaches gay kids.

f.y.i.

So, Ginny posted on Facebook the day after I sent her the e-mail..  :|

I just had a revelation. 8|

Some people will never let you network among attractive people.

I don't know anyone who just doesn't answer - take my old choir director and my old theater teacher disappearing from Facebook ... my old friends..  I realize that I mean she lives here, but still..

Inappropriate

I mean I don't have family from the New Orleans area, and I am from Florida.  I don't want to listen to her crass bullshit that I didn't respond right away.  You know, I had this friend who seemed to theme that me wanting to talk to people was looking for ***.  See, she is just being flirtatious.  I see she likes me, but maybe she just isn't very active online.  I won't take her crass bullshit that she won't respond the way Tim Burton holds out.  I think it's because of him.  She might not be normal, but she seemed like a good person.  What happened to my fuckin choir director and organ teacher?  She doesn't respond much.  Haha, I know what you're thinking, too.  There was this other teacher I was supposed to talk to, but she left Facebook.

Rude

I am rather upset.  I feel Ginny is being rude.  She didn't answer me.  She didn't readd me on another Facebook.  She's just being another popular Pennsylvanian or Californian who will not directly speak to me, is probably fucked up and looking for ***.  What am I supposed to do?  I mean, she said to e-mail her.  What do you think that flippin' means?

Salad..

I should have had a salad.  I feel heavy like an eraser.  So, at school, I got this huge salad with extra oil and these little sprouts.

How I Feel

I feel full and weighted down.  :{  I hope I get over it.  I'm tired, too.  I need sleeping pills, but my mom said it's dangerous.

Dream

I had this good feeling walking around.  So, I was at this lot, like on a floor of a lot by an airport, like at a theater class, like Ellen DeGeneres was the teacher.  I was thinking about my mom's age.  I kept feeling good the whole time, like based with all over.  I don't distinctly remember the instructor.  I filed in early and found people in the class, 1 was like tall with light medium brown hair, bnags, glasses, straight smooth hair, another maybe black and kinda like the girl I'm working with a little plump a good height, another girl the same stature but white maybe like reddish darker hair, the other maybe some similar blend, maybe a little taller and slimmer.  I kept walking around, but I kept feeling good.  I think the instructor was like looking over shouting.  She was like concerned and caring but supposedly strict academically.  It's an interesting way to be, maybe was also looking for Ginny but not actually in this dream but probablya distant thought.

Warm Welcome

Why is everyone from Florida turning on me instead of welcoming me back..?

Winded

Good.  Eating.  Making another Buffalo chicken sub with blue cheese.  Having Chef Boyardee canned macaroni and cheese leftovers at the mo, maybe some .. what's it? liverwurst.

Time's Up

I've been online a long time.  You haven't figured out for me why your dad's from Penn?

Twitter

8 Years

Ginny is fat, and most fat people are agreeable yet uninteresting.  I'm not sure if I ever had a successful relationship with any unhealthy person.  I don't just want a skinny, dorky friend.  She also thinks she has a more attractive background and that that's dirt.  Maybe, she's just a sorry case.  Her mom made her attractive so she would be hygienic.  I don't take for granted what my mom did for me.  You can't just assume it's the bastard cause that morale ain't so.  It was only about crazy, drunk fathers.  My dad is tacky because he ain't skinny, and he don't work out, no more.  Also, kids have to have traits from each parent.  I needed to work out, but it seemed like I'd done too much gymnastics, not much good in way of dance, I guess.  I mean, there's not necessarily like a certain option.  I was struggling between ballet and jazz/lyrical.  Now, it seems to not help, nothing I do.  I sit around at home, people just keep thinking my dad is gonna hurt them, send them a hurtful message.  Just think about how Tim Burton and Johnny Depp changed the world.  I remember it was the people, but Tim Burton is crass.  He was kind unrelenting to people who wanted to be actors rather than not be actors.  I wouldn't accept it.  Why should he have a daughter, at all?  No one gives a fuck, fuck fuck fuck like a duck.  You, like Ginny, is just waiting for the perfect person to come around and keep barking at me for seeming too atypical for having a mixed European father with typical family names and a Chinese mom who is typically attractive from her younger age..  That proves Tim Burton lied that he's not really holding out for a good reason but for selfish reasons.  I guess that's why I chose Johnny Depp and then found he depended on Tim Burton but that Tim Burton pretty much didn't feel good about his not being able to act.  I mean, my mom and I could get him in shape, but he's with "stupe-id" He~le~na Bonham Carter.  I was getting better.  He just needs people to talk to.  Sit at a computer and find someone to talk to on a message forum.  Start walking and jogging, do the core workouts and weights for the health of yur blessed arms.  It's your fault for not being a total person.  Lazy people from California.  Go suck a fish corpse.  Talk to people, or you'll get fat and die, like the old days.  Stop getting high on artificial attention.  I never get any attention.  It's all hidden traps.  You're just gonna say, hug your dad.  What about my mom?  I didn't say I wanted to hug Tim Burton.  I just kinda deal with it but can hug other people.  I mean, what would happen?  I would just sorta lose my tease, like I did with my dad.  I just wanted a nice relationship.  I guess it was special to him.  I'm not really gonna hug Ginny.  I just want to set her straight, to understand she's crap, she acts like she has some like nonexistent program in Orlando because it's Disney.  You have to go completely into something, you can't get too much good attention like of fate thinking coincidences are miracles.  You know, she doesn't use Facebook much.  I don't know how most people know her.  They might look up things in Orlando.  You know, people in Theater in places like New Orleans.  People wouldn't post to her much.  It's funny, I spent a lot of time bettering myself and kinda have a lot to spray.  I guess I'm not in a certain mood.  I mean, it just seems like things used to be different, like no matter what I did.  If there's something wrong, it's Orlando's fault, crappy Orlando.  It's not like, I'm just there and no one can do anything with me.  What the hell is that?  Am I losing memory?  Why aren't things getting better?  I'm still in the program.  If you're not good enough, then leave me alone.  People who are good are never supposed to turn anyone down and not hear what they have to say, like Gahndi.  You know, I don't care what you think about me having a dad from Pennsylvania.  I know you just care about the Pennsylvania Dutch.  Why not knock out other states while you're at it, like Delaware?  I mean, I had a fun friend family from there.  You know, Ginny, I don't give a shit what these so-called "Floridians" think.  Florida is a beach state.  It is not the only place you can be modern.  Say what you will, that's what they think.  Why do you even feed the birds?  Don't you like me?  I just want to find out what happened, why you are just being mean because of Tim Burton and why people are ignoring me online but later on people won't.  That's the only way to communicate, people live online.  Why not accept that I mean no ill will to anyone.  I just want to do my homework and have a good time.  Having a good time is not illegal.  Why is everyone like gawking over Ginny and feeling sorry for her teaching the children who believe in shit?  I mean, I am not that kind of person.  That's all you've thought of while I've been submitting myself to this.  I just want a good time.  I want to see people!  Is that so hard to ask?  I don't even know if I want to be famous.  I want to meet famous people, though.  I'm lonely, no one wants to approach me nor admit I seem, like, popular.  You all are denying me that for 8 years!

What I Did

I recorded 3 acting things.  I'm posting it on YouTube.  I did my workouts after the laundry, still have to iron.  Washing the towels..  The acting was interesting, maybe valuable enough.  I should do it more recording my face because it engaged me more.  When I have it memorized, maybe I can do it standing, again.  It's just that it was hard to remember.  I guess I have to sit there and think of it remembering, maybe can try it without recording my face.  It seems like not as fun that way, though..

Disney World

Why is Ginny so sarcastic like Órla Karron Fallon and Ellen DeGeneres?  She acted like the kids here who are from Orlando since maybe around age 13 set themselves up to hypnotize themselves to submission that they had a fair shot at life compared to most people and that they did the right thing but that they were some *** object to Ginny just because she is like famous for doing the talking at Disney or something since the 80s.  The fact is it's just because she's attractive, too, and not like someone too skinny born like around the time of Céline Dion - and why do you find it tacky I mentioned her because it's not.  I haven't really heard anyone talk about it so don't know.  I want to talk about it, just mention it ... gotta problem, just trying to impress someone, trying to achieve some contrapted ideal?  I have a feeling it won't work ~ Just admit that she's ***y and has good ideals but gawp at the fact she's born in 1958 and has a mom from California, maybe appreciate her dad being from Pittsburgh-  I met up with people from another area, and their kids's mistake is that they are stuck up about working, like no one should help them in thinking about working, selling souveniers at Wicked, which is about the Wizard of Oz..  Bottom line don't sit there and shit with me about my parents's heritage, I'm not supposed to have to suffer because of it.  So, I mean, these kids are pressuring me not to succeed.  I want to find a place I can go, but I want to stay here so I can live easily.  They think you have to sit there and think you're nothing to encourage others to think they're nothing, have no goal they are striving for, think it's desirable, yet tacky, won't admit they have to go pleasure themselves themselves.  I know I used to be like that but not in that way.  I mean, I looked presentable, I didn't like role my eyes and buzz my lips at the teacher and show off my, like, nigger skin cells.  I didn't approve of thinking things were shit just to put off what I was supposed to do.  I wanted to be like you were supposed to, didn't think I was supposed to be like a beggar on the street, not sure how to elaborate on that nor shout it out.  Why is Ginny so inhibited.  Everyone I know who's moved here is outspoken.  Ginny just thinks I'm an adult, shoudln't know my age.  She doesn't respond appropriately, just doesn't really seem that accomplished.  It's bugging me, I don't want to have to respect like some thing she's saying I'm not good enough for when everyone before Tim Burton came around would like approach me, and no one will accept the new me.  No one even accepts I'm a kid to my mom, anymore.  My dad was already off.  He will cycle into the thought that he's not.  The kids here are totally the opposite and I can't get the pressure off to stop thinking about the pressure they have on me, that I need their attention or needed it, in some way.  They just won't get off.  I guess it's keeping me from thinking.  I want to feel attractive, not like Floridian scum.  I mean, Florida was supposed to be a good place, has a nice sea breeze and Disney World.

No Chance

I don't know why people have been so mean to me lately.  I mean, I know I was staying up late and depended on being kicked out but forgot I was, what's the word, disturbed that I was kicked out of Music Education and Singing as a class.

I heard a click in my bathroom.  It seems that I have to wait for something to stop bothering me.  I don't want to put up with this bull, at all.  I mean, I'm not in the mood.

So

Does Ginny think I am gay?  Who's gonna talk to me?  I don't demand it, but I mean I just wanna talk about it.  I mean, there are only so many of certain figures in Orlando, I assume.  I am not sure where to go, but I did want to live at home for now.  I mean, if there was a non-gay reason or something.

So

You think that people who moved to Florida later than me are more from Florida?  Who are you comparing me to?  Ellen DeGeneres leaving New Orleans?  Tim Burton directing for the world?

Walk

Time for a walk.  +I

Ex er cise

Time to do some workouts ... mmm ... core and chest?

I'm loading like 9 videos of me playing piano and singing some of them.  I need more songs I used to have and some more musical theater books.. which doesn't amount to much, I guess..