Y

Why do people like my parents and like want something from them and maybe even want to help them?

Y

Why do bad people make a fuss when they see another attractive person?  I mean, before my brother was born, though, I remember my head was shaped a bit funnily but better than his.  Why would I be my brother?  I mean, why isn't anyone else jealous?

Y

Why do you think I have perverted dreams?

So

What's with all the hate with 1950?  I'm sorry you don't feel special.

So

What do I do that I need to improve?  There's nothing to copy.

So

People from Pennsylvania ... haha you don't trust anyone because I'm not white.

So, what would they act like in New Orleans  +]

Would you rather?

Be a chicken
Would you rather be a duch

I don't want to be treated like I'm gay because I'm European.

Why all the negativity?

Like, you want to get on topic?  Maybe, there is no topic attached.  :|

The Attractive 1

If you notice with the parent that is thinner, like people get annoyed at the kid but say they're whiter than you.

Baby at the Mall

It looked really melted with dark skin.  Why don't people like care about their babies being white.  The mom was attractive, obese, tall, small head.  The baby looked Spanish.. a boy.  There was nothing really to worry about because the worry was that the baby thought the mom's attractive availability was for some odd reason some puzzle it was working on, and that puzzle didn't involve my likings.  So, an older person would beat you down that there's some problem, and the problem is the fact there is a problem, they don't need to stretch you as responsible for a fact that the fact is what the fact is, does not "mean" anything.  Get it?  It just is struggling, it's not some thing you did!  :0

Got Mad

I realized people didn't get mad at white people enjoying things and feeling the benefits of being European but then find they aren't really that good.  You know, figure it out before you spray it..  I saw more girls with white hair at the mall..  }:]

NU~uUu WEBSITE~

Daily Motion :D

listed on my YouTube.  8I

I Wonder Wonder Wonder

I wonder if anyone ever thought that I should be like dug into ... really said I want to show her a lesson that she's like no child starlet.

Wrrong

YouTube is taking down 3rd party content.  The only thing that is illegal is posting videos online.  Who watches movies on their computer!

And

Other people quitting, the people themselves who quit who think it's funny maybe it's MY fault everyone in the world hasn't continued singing since young.  There was this singer from this tan Russian lady who started a year later than I did.  Her voice is kinda warbly, like saliva.  It became more projecting.  She wasn't supposed to have a loud voice, like Céline Dion never talking, who can't speak French.  So, what am I supposed to say?  This girl quit voice and just stayed as a theater major.  I mean, it's not entertaining.  She thinks that being attractive is a sin.  That means I can sing from choir.  +|  I mean, what are you looking for?  I found out about voice lessons after I moved from a year in choir, -from- choir.  The choir was good, so I stayed and just sorta explored myself and became very European, as well.  I moved andd was like I wanna teacher who teaches both voice and piano, but I didn't feel like singing in front of her.  I mean, she was good but not because she was Russian?  I mean, I'm a pianist, but she was a serious pianist.  She'd come back from community college, all sorta happy and European and was all strict with me..  It wasn't fun, she wanted it hard..  I didn't..  I remembered her sliding the notes, though, years later.  It's funny the travling organists in the choir at church, which who knows, I mean it was the school church.., might have been better than the hired 1s, the 1st who was fired..  Everyone there loved me, thought I took on, had the angelic type of voice and then I guess digressed after a solo experience and went to college and took lessons and didn't learn much.  :|  My teacher was from Tallahassee.  :|  So, why should I take lessons from someone who is racist who I don't like???  Then, we had another good choir director, who seemed to have a lot of knowledge of good singing but herself was no vocalist.  Her voice was very soft but projected more easily than mine from being a teacher..

Heil, Hitler!

The fact I never took voice ... I moved to another place.  Well, anyway.  I was learning music via piano, was lucky to learn music notes in music class before moving to a really good choir.. just there wasn't any individual singing involved.  So, then, I went to high school and found I had to audition for Talented Music but was in Art I, instead.  So, then, I was 15 and wanted to take voice and was already in ballet once a week.  Then, I got singing lessons from a really large lady in Talented Music until a Korean girl came back, but I mean it was an interesting experience.  So, then, I went to the mental hospital and became bloated there in a week, was 16 my 3rd year of high school..  It was because I had my 1st lecture heavy reading course, should have ignored school and paid attention to gifted arts?  The rest of the classes were always okay, but Calculus was a challenge, as I went to 3 high schools.  So, then, I spent most of my time it seemed accompanying on instruments and in choir, was in a new band at a Catholic school..even said dance team girls should have been on it, this 1 attractive 1 who went to England before.  She would announce every morning.

So, what is it?  I know already at least about Renée Fleming, whose parents had her right after graduating as singing majors.  She did opera in the cradle, while people came in and took lessons, maybe because their house wasn't been enough and there was no nanny while she got lessons.  Maybe, they had to feed her or something.  I mean, what, maybe it's "not true?"  I mean, I don't know if she had to sing as much as other people, but she sang "Climb Every Mountain" as a kid, maybe around age 10 or 11.  Or maybe like 8th grade.

Then, there's also Órla Karron Fallon.  She has been singing as long as she can remember and went through college taking harp lessons and is a Religion major.

Jackie Evancho, who is from Pittsburgh, like Ginny's dad, obviously had a vibrating voice at 7, appears to have taken lessons, maybe not as gifted as I was, not sure why, I mean I've heard gifted kids and stunning kids and seen kids who are more physical and could probably become good artists.

SO, WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM?  I CAN SING.  I'M NOT A DORK.  I'M ATTRACTIVE.  I'M NOT AN OLD, GERMANY FOGY, AND I AM GERMAN.

Oops! I forgot I was racist.

What do you think of Ellen being afraid to be attractive, like doing something attractive, like letting people she clings to be attractive?  Get it on Ellen, oops I forgot I was racist.

Something Interesting to Note

So, people think that their happiness is based on my success.  Like, you could just say, it's only about child stars today.  Like the 1s in commercials, probably all with white hair???  White curly hair?  I saw the most attractive 1, today.  [|:]

Tai Chi

"The mist rises."


...

:|

"Cir cle the moon, with trreee rings.  1 ....

2

3"

NU videos

YouTube.  8|

Make sure to check out the girl in the Sears commercial.. link.

Edit

I added a note.

YouTube

I can't see how to see the whole thing.

New Video

I added a music video from my old piano teacher in the nation's oldest continuing city, Saint Augustine, Florida, under a major city in Northeastern Florida, from a Share on Facebook:

YouTube.  8I

Photo

I added a photo to my set.  :D

Edit

I added a tag to show the pink pictures are from yesterday.

New Photos

Flickr

Poofed Out

I'm poofed out?..

I just cleaned the bathroom for my brother.  Put in new toilet drops, haven't had them in awhile.

Hi Ginny

Well, I hope she has a long break off, like a year.  :|

In the summer, I just wanna go to Disney, guess it'll cost money, was otherwise wondering if I could stand on a boat in the water in the Midwest.

Also, I think kids here should go on break over the break, bring their homework.  They should go somewhere else, Europe, a nonwhite nation, or the Midwest, or maybe somewhere else.  I wonder if there are special camps in L.A...

Mobile

That Don't Impress-a Me Much. 3I

So, why are these younger kids trying to impress me with their style because I like to have ***?

Se - par - AAA - TION!

If in the end no matter what you do you hate someone for having a dad born from 1940-1956, why not just separate yourself from them?

Going fo' the Goa'l X|

Why can Late Boom be cool?  So, I like went with the right program people wanted, to take the heat and reach you goal.

So, they could agree with me and then go along with theoretically the rest of the dumb, older?, or messed up for some reason people in the world.

C

I don't believe in the new move of saying I'm as good as my parents.  We grew up listening to our parents, and they may have messed up with you, but parents still like me even in their kids get like snotty all the time to me when they don't have to put up with me for too long.  I guess people just kinda get annoyed at me like trying to be how others were before, and they say my new ways are niggerish.  You know, black person in zebra clothes.

Y 0 Y

Why would you go along and rush kids in year like 2000 something early 2000s to all act so modern in that sorta juicy, sparkly, spiky way.. not in a cool way.  And like sorta knock all the older Generation Y kids out to never be that way?  Or should I say younger Generation X?  I am not sure, I think it's like a graduation, a collection of maybe people born before 1992.  So, then, you sit there are wonder how to change something.  Well, like, the problem would be for me I'm not all white and I have traits that are like not really European so I'm not like as straight.  I don't see why me having an older dad is so bad, I mean I can't hang out with other people with dads my age?

Ghosts in the Corridor..

I was in the hall, went to the bathroom sometimes every 20 minutes or 15 minutes.  I heard these haunting noises like human ghosts howling, so I was like I hope that's not where the sound of ghosts came and writing this just realized more tactually that that's "how" it actually happened, lazy people..  x(

How I'm Feeling

I'm actually feeling quite low.  I didn't jog yesterday..  Also, I didn't get enough sleep the night before.  I guess tonight I slept ...  dunno really maybe 10-11 hours.  Kinda stimulating myself the whole time.  Now, I'm just kinda hungry and tired..  xp  Wanna go shopping.

Update

More text box info..on the black crystals in my eyes..

So

I woke up and ate ... liverwurst and a bloody hamburger on thin rye bun with Heinz ketchup.  Water.  My vitamins forgot the weight loss draining pill.

New Text Box Info

Not Happy

Hey stop looking at me like I have to be in the style of my dad's generation, you messed up dweebs.. and stop telling me I'm a dork!

So, he came home early.. Spring Break.

Wasn't really happy to see his sour attitude, and he acts like my mom is younger, like his younger sister, I should s*** him.

Staaa'rs

I starred the good videos to watch.

"Sta(a)(r)rs .. .. in their multitud.es ... scarce to be coun-teD"

YouTube

Dreams

I had a dream I killed Ginny Kopf.  In the end, I heard a few low drums of no consequence really, just th..anyway and then she exploded into lots of little glittery dust, as though she committed suicide.  '=s  The funny thing is I don't remember what I was doing 1st, but I know I was flying around a big place with lots of sorta plant-like buildings, kinda bleak.  I felt there was some big spirit flying me around, though, so I guess I was not the 1 flying?  I liked feeling that I was being held on my crotch, but I got some ideas I tried to process.  I realized that you can find anyone online at school in their city.  I decided, though, that I wanted to do something about safety but always realize that death is just around the corner.  Other interesting things, I felt like my feet were like pushing pedals like of that famous organ song.  I also felt my body nearer to the end before that as the result of being like a jelly worm, you know gel..  Those gummies.  ;D  From doing ballet, like it wasn't a good idea but hwen you do it it is.  I wish I remembered my other dreams, but I was more conscious with this 1, like before.  I think when I fell asleep this time, I felt dead from something, like the medicine as the end.  It's like because I wasn't famous with a lot of money from wishing to be an actor while I was on MySpace.  So, anyway, I was flying around a long time, felt touched, felt strong, the stronger overall feeling or whatever was the situation.  Oh well, wish I could remember more.  It was sorrowful and somber.  It was like it was a scary, black, from the past like my past life or dead, like a Ghost of Christmas, sorta going with me on a journey I was taking or happened to take because of her.  I still feel a big force around my crotch, and it feels like huge, puffy, not too old arms.  I woke up, and my blessed fingers were like big puffs.  I guess I did it to myself, as usual.  It's always interesting, but it won't last.  I used to feel I wish it would last.  :|

So, if you want to know what I did in bed, I could feel in Cleveland, my blankets feeling celestial like they put kinda a lot of sorta involuntary|voluntary, you know random.., pressure on me, like a spirit, that it was a person.  My bed also pulsed in a very surreal way.  I used to imagine the life in my eyes suddenly like crossing mainly.. and myself fucking the tubes!  D;  I tried it as much I could, like I would not stot, like I had to do it, like there was no point in thinking of other things in bed, myself.  I can't seem to do that, now, here.  I just was distracted, in the end..  I used to go around to RDV and sit around, a magical place, while my mom was busy.  I'd watch the people and feel I was in a magical world, really, but for some reason it had to dye away.

So

Is the theater class for the teacher to have fun?

..Wut?

So, you do listen to the sarcastic bullshit of trashy young tweens.

Sorry for People in High Places

Why should I feel sorry for people in high places?

Stimulated Myself..

I stimulated my ovary by pressing against the bed. ):)

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wut

So, Ellen, why did you fart that my Mom deserves more Southern heritage? Aren't you worth anything? You are famous - O MY GOD-

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Wut

Why does Ginny think she is right to get shit out that I am shit? I have worked long and hard.

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Mobile

Problem

So, why is it a sacrifice to talk to me?

I kicked the chairs of boys in class..  I've hurt people..

I just got a sarcastic message from my mom that I'm from Pennsylvania in a weird way.  Look, I don't have a problem learning in my life.  Stop telling me I can't be sarcastic.  You're uncool, stupid, a turd.  :(  Get over it, your stupid language barrier, you nigger.  Go to hell.

Can you GODDAMN stop telling me every feeling is true?  Just flip your lid.  Look I said stop.  What is this shit?  Why am I getting these messages?  Everyone does it.  I feel certain feelings, and I try not to get upset but find that no one really is impressed with me..

Isn't it really funny

how people in California and the New Orleans area aren't very suave?

,:[

So, you see kids in the 1980s were treated like shit, you see the little kids with the button noses in Ginny's picture.  Light hair.  They look like stupid dolls.  Kids today are too much in fast forward, based on knocking out the future of kids before.

Picture

Ginny is the skinny brunette on the left.  Hmph, her hair is gold brown..  I need to start using Radiant Red, again??  Her hair seems lighter, now..  No, wait, I'm using the Sheer Blonde for dyed blondes and there's red in the bottle, so..  Er..  Now, what?  I'm using Frizz Ease.  :|

Disturbed

I feel Ginny is ticked off and I can't sleep because of eating cold cuts, like it's allergic in Pennsylvania.  She's not even cool in Pennsylvania so she needs to not do that..  :|

So

Why are you telling me I have to hold off being from Pennsylvania in the way I have Pennsylvania blood when I am not at all from there, my dad is.  What the fuck is your goddamn problem!  You gotta issue?  Look, got anything to say??  :|

Wrrrong!

You call people niggers who just flip you off as wrong racially.

OK, OK

So, Ellen is a maniac about going to your grandparents for heritage, what a bitch.  :/

Something Funny @

Charlotte Church may have like dark eyebrows but is not really serious like someone born in the 1950s and early 1960s.  Etc.

Um

Why do you think I am acquired in Florida but not the New Orleans area??  Because I'm not from the city??  Wow, it was already too late when we got there.  Yea, I complained a lot, but they didn't build the health club that we were moving by, neither.  I didn't want to do a sport.  I didn't want to do yoga, wasn't particularly prepared for a 16-year-old's workout.  I wanted to do softball, but there was no softball anywhere...  I wanted to do more ballet, but I found this nice little studio, should have looked somewhere else.  It just seemed really interesting, so I mean I just stayed since I already went there.  I mean, why would a modern dance studio have company and ballet new just once a week?  I mean, they could offer it.  Why would I even bother caring about them?  No, I don't want to look too gaunt but kinda was going after that look.  I guess I finally broke through that idea and thought of something.  I mean, why would I be a puffy ballerina?  What can I go for?  I think doing cross country ... hm ... I met this boy from New Orleans who left and changed over the summer, cut my hair from being longer-looking.  I mean, I gotten fatter not being able to do ballet and feel I would have been puffed up, possibly.  I mean, who knows, maybe I would quit.  Lots of girls do so they can live a normal life.  I wanted to walk around, but I could only do it with a friend over, and hardly anyone would talk to me.  They, even the nicest girl, would just look at me like shit with a shit face.  Please don't think I mean anything, I just mean that in a not mean way.  I don't know why all Louisianians are so gay..  Look, I'm mad again.  I just liked high school, but that's when it was all about the boy from New Orleans.  I attended this private school which was gay but kinda interesting.  Maybe better than the Mandeville styled school.  They wasted class time, but I could get in classes early.  I always thought I spent too much time on homework, but there was an omen about the public junior high, not sure if people there succeeded.  Hm, not even sure who the dance team members were..  At least, they were kinda ***y and not just like trashy and cliquish and schizophrenic, you know, schizophrenic!!

What do you think??

What do you think about in the deep, deep lows to find that some obscure place like Louisiana or New Orleans exists and that no one cares about what you think about that stuff in life??

Ow

My head hurts from being mad and m***********.  I am glad for Spring Break but not really but it will give me a chance to catch up on sleep and have a better rest of the semester.  I have a workbook assignment, 3 things or small things, in Weight Training I.  In Theater, we'll read a children's book, the voice class, but we can't start early.  I asked, after class..  I mean, I tried to sleep, but I ate and then watched some videos and packed, was gonna wake up at 3, know sometimes I don't sleep.  I mean, I'll be fine, but I'll be agitated trying to sleep at school, like before..  I have to do a character analysis and print out my journals.  I have to block something, too.  I guess I'll do it after weight training, but I really really want to jog but you know probably won't.  I'll get out of Weight Training at 10:15.  I have to eat lunch by noon and then my shower, which takes me until class starts.  So, I'll have 10:15-noon to do all my homework and purchase my book maybe before class I guess.  The bookstore opens at 8, so I'll go buy my book and jog and then do weight training.  Then, I guess I can do the character analysis in the library.  I did it on another paper but didn't copy it, so it'll be fun to do again.  If I finish early, I mean, I guess I won't.  :(  I'll have to jog over the holidays..  I might do the character analysis at school at like let's see 7?  Yea?  But might be sleeping?  We'll see.  So, I'm ready, ponytail, contact lenses, ready to pack the case, cell phone, bar of soap..cell phone case.  :|  Everything seems packed.  Lost my lunchbox but have my lunch packed.  I guess no one will play tennis, but I'll be out there to see.  Money packed...  :/  Guess I'll look for stuff for St. Patrick's day.  I mean I had so much ************ in my sleep in a way..so much stress, too, and like I just don't feel right not sure why I'm up.  Maybe, I should separate myself from the rest of the class.  :(  I mean, I was in the very back!  There was no room.  The whole class was like feeling for me I guess by the way the teacher talked, though I don't know if she really saw me!  :|

dun dun dun dun

dun wanna go ta bed

Ever imagine...

Ever think you're that black-eyed cross-eyed 1 high in the, er, celestrial stadiums just watching the sports game?

Videos

Starring videos I like of me.  Tell you when I'm done.

So

I don't wish to teach ballet @ 5 AM, so you can take a shower @ 6, maybe dry your hair and apply makeup by 7?  Maybe not, I like 2 hours, though..not sure why, but it's in the afternoon..  :|  Because people sleep 10-6 ideally.  Just pick business.  Construction sometimes?  Dunno.  That's 8 hours in the bed, maybe a quiet evening with a jog or stuff alternating, the gym, a swim.  So, I wish to teach Rainbow kids on Fridays, was thinking 4 PM because dunno something happens later.. ah yes the mall and the movies, even.  I mean, I guess it could be at 7-8, but the mall here closes at 9.  I mean, you can walk outside.  I'd been going to the mall on the weekends.  Aw, I guess I have nothing to teach.  What will I do next semester for exercise?  I like coming at 5 A.M., the transportation is better, have to wake up at 4 if I'm just going to exercise..

Up-

So, I got up and redid my nails, cooking another burger and dog.  Have my mac and cheese out.. maybe some liverwurst?  Cake?  That'll put me to bed, then it's up at 3:30 A.M.  Should I make that 3:45 A.M.?

So

Do you m*********?  I used to not, but I think from taking too much gymnastics I did.  I guess I didn't have any fun, and I was a good gymnast..  3I

Proud

I saw a taller old man proud about his Gen Z grandkids. 33

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Y

Why is it about Tim Burton and not Johnny Depp?

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In th Van

Didn't remember ear plugs.



Recorded visit. Seeing her in a week or 3.



Going home, to bed, waking up at 3...30. 6+ hours of sleep, like I wanted last night.



Trying to get a psychiatrist appointment ASAP, same 1. Trying medicine, also Chinese medicine. Was gonna go the 20th. Makes me tired and don't think I need it, anymore, that the other kids would..

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New Photo Set

New Set Photo

New Pictures of Me

Flickr

Did I tell you?

I got Frizz Ease products.  :|

Problem

I'm gonna * you you liars always doing perverted things.  YOU HEAR ME YOU STUPID NIGGERS?  YOU HEAR ME YOU STUPID NIGGERS!  Dx

Problem

You're a nigger.  Go sleep with your dad.  S***** the lunatic across the face.

Stop

Look just leave my dad out I'm gonna * you "Tim Burton."

ARGH STOP

My mom put a shirt behind my shirts of my dad, I don't want to touch him in a perverted way, that's not how I was brought up, GO. AWAY. YOU GODDAMN NIGGERS-  I think I should just * you.  You better stop because I know what you did.  ,:[  What do you think I am, stupid?

Dreams Dreams Dreams

Take Me Back | My Next Beer

So, I don't understand, but I had to dream that supposedly someone, using I guess since I only see Ginny Kopf, was grappling my crotch for a long time and when she touched me it stimulated my entire body and she gained a focus of my eyes and used cartoon images but in a friendly way that only feels good and summut contained.  This was pretty long, and I wasn't foresaken upon awakening.  I was in a big bedroom that looked like a dorm, darker.  Forget next dream, was good.  I forget some of the next, but I thought my dad really was there and put his hands on my shoulders and then my aunt.  I don't remember so much here.  I think I was being carried or something, not sure why, maybe because.  I like to think about people touching me.  :|  So, anyway, then, I was like at a thing with girls, reminds me of something before in my dream, like tennis and models.  I had already jogged a lap.  Then, we had to jog around a bathroom stall which circled I think 100 times, I'm like here?  The girls were tall with round heads, kinda like sticks, shiny slick hair, watching me getting close to the coach, just automatically hopping up to him in the middle of class standing on a bench in the stall area outside the bathroom.  Then, (heya car just passed,) I remember a very good feeling don't remember too much, guess I was meeting someone, probably reeking from the reminder of when I had this really big voice lab teacher, 1st was pretty fat, then seemed pretty strong and quite tall.  Anyway, so, I was thinking of Ginny, even had to think it was her so I wouldn't think I could like make up real people.  Oh, and I woke up really feeling like you know a hand print on my crotch several times, maybe because I felt like *********ing, you know?  Anyway, so this was interesting, now I forget, think I was being carried, but I was thinking of coming up to this "teacher," like in that darker room.  I found this person like I guess like put her arm around me, then both her arms right away and like my legs were up kinda to the side wrapped around said person.. but it was interesting because I wasn't supposed to move and she was just supposed to like carry me out to the parking lot because I was like her ba by.  So, something for you to think about.  Anyway, I woke up, and I guess I was a bit mad, as you can see, I mean I liked it, but I didn't feel like anyone thought the beer part was okay.  Oh, yes, and I woke up thinking there was this dangerous, low vibrating, I think in the 1st dream, yes, and I woke up and for some reason it was gone, didn't move, hardly breathed I bet.  It was pulsing, seemed loud enough at the source.  The exercise classes must have helped because they feel kinda quelled, like on a island of water, the sea with clouds floating around.

A Turn for the Worse

I can't believe the turn my life has taken since the existence of my cousin.

Y

OH MY MUTHERFUCKIN GOD TIM BURTON WHY YOU MAKE SUCH A BIG DEAL ABOUT HELENA BONHAM CARTER

Why So Gay?

Why are you Floridians so not wanting anyone to have fun?  Oh, you are concerned about the ***********, though..  Still, it's not a good practice, not having fun just to say you're a goody-good because I'm not that.

Awake

Don't really feel like sleeping.  I mean, I do, but I just woke up.  Not sure why.  Seems I only slept for like 6 solid hours.  Need to get back to bed and do my journals.  I need to do blocking, too!  :0  I can do that at the Therapist..

nite

I'm hungry, probably will get up and grab some pizza after I rest more.  xp

So

Ginny is nice and a suck up because she is short, but she is not a twit.

only time will tell ♬ only time

I added times to a tennis YouTube.  3|

PM

So, Ginny sent me a FB Message, I have to use her home e-mail..and not post on her Facebook, like, every few days..

So, isn't her Valencia classes just crap?  That's mostly what she teaches in public.  D;  The kids are all mean to me all the time, I don't need their motherfuckin goddamn stupid retarded idiot good-for-nuthin bullshit.

Update

Text Box

Also

I ran on the track and had a cheap but actually large salad for lunch, had frozen pizza at home and a bunch of thicker, cooked greens.. from a plastic box. 3I

Back to Bed Sleepyhead 3Z

My head aches..  My dad will be home for lunch, gotta wake up in the afternoon though, have to see to my journals.  That's all, though.  Have to get a book tomorrow, leave a note for $20.

Oh, and my panties were all wet, thought I had a load.

Upset After Class

I was like a victim trrembling @ class, like the fool I make of myself, the way I can't take it and the way no one in the world can care....

See, I kept stabbing my notebook when I was annoyed..  I did leave the room and stomp my feet and then come back in soon.  I came in and said are you gonna annoy me, like last class, and asked if someone said they were gonna kill me..  The teacher said no they didn't.  :|  I told my mom, too, but she didn't seem to care too much..  :S  I sorta felt washed ashore in death.  Like, I was murdered but left at peace..  :|  People are always at me and will never be direct with me because they think it's possible I actually want too much attention being mixed race.  I actually am feeling kinda subdued.  Maybe, it's from all the good things I did, and then I don't know why I was attacked but I'm so mad.  It seems people are really mad at me for any attention I get from Ginny, and I want to ****** them..  I just heard something..  Please, leave me alone, you dweebs..  :|  Also, I can tell in attitude my aunt is posing as a virtual ring leader rassling me for everything just because my life isn't perfect, like my dad does, and I want to * her.  ,:|  Everyone is threatening people they know not to hurt me.  ;|  Er.  Why can't peopel just be normal?  Hey, listen to me, stop with the bullcrap "online."  I'm the civilized 1.  It's okay if I live my life the way I do, I was treated unfairly, why must I base my life on comparing with how much I sacrificed of my, er, ... I dunno academic future?

***********

So, I woke up and decided to stimulate myself by direct action, but it wasn't really what I wanted..  :|

Dream

I had thee coole st most terrifying dream.

There were some scenes in the corrider where someone was like acting with music I think trying to slit someone before they slit someone else.  So, my old organ teacher|choir director went in a jail cell with someone else kinda, like a mental hospital, which is horrid.  So, I went in with someone else so we could maybe get in with her..  I know Ginny was involved.  So, it was mostly about that and something like a pop Disney performance scheulde.  For some reason, I felt a lot of *** or ************ or rather I dunno ***********.  It was pretty dynamnic, that dream, but it's hard to remember, I think I was against like some flowery sheets, just some flowery sheets, like in bunched up at the base, and like hugging it like it was Ginny or something and feeling like those art drawings like of cupid or the statues of the very human figures with drapes hanging off.  I was in the mental ward with people in the halls battling against knives slitting someone else's throat, like it's the good angel against the Master of the House, defending someone, like my old organ teacher or like I saw a big baby in an aisle, a bit sadistic in sentiment, like with some pastel but like an old or like modern French cartoon..  I saw the video of me acting and for some reason I was able to act like how I saw Country Bear Jamboree, but I can't see it no more, same with the old French cartoon..  So, I was lusting for "***" in a ward with people being murdered at bodily contact, instead slicing the other.

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Funny

So, why does it seem like people are surrounding me constantly telling me I'm presenting myself as nothing?  That was not the plan.  ☠  I realize you think mixed people from Louisiana are stuck up.

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My Problem

So, I found out I can't stand the suggestions in Orlando because it's Florida..

WAH help me Ginny

I just got really mad at signs in my kitchen..

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I just called to ask you when it was, guess I will have to call you tomorrow if I don't ask on Thursday while I'm waiting for my Therapist appointment.  I don't really know anyone in Orlando, so I don't know who to ask to come with me.  Lots of people I know have been interested in singing and things..  :(

♥ http://cab1986orlfl20.blogspot.com/2013/02/20130227-1.html

To: ginny.kopf

"Join me for the next Voice workshop! The Professional Voice (which includes training for the world of Voiceovers) starts Sunday 2-5. Call and we'll talk all about how it can help you get the acting work you want, whether it's voiceover, commercials, narrations, infomercials, and for vocal improvement for any kind of business you are in. It'll give you CONFIDENCE and CONTROL in your auditions and communication. Ginny Kopf 407-381-5275"

I think the voice is a personality tool and today I croaked up an emotion. Most people have something like a slur. They think their voice is just a product of their health. They don't even think about how their nose affects their voice. They don't even use singing in their lives... They don't care about race and don't attune to the accents like New York state, Boston & NYC, South Carolina and Georgia, the New Orleans dialect, and then the country, sometimes thought to be "the west." Floridians and Californians are really annoying but open, but I can't do anything about it because I'm a Floridian and people aren't open to me since my mom they somehow know is tan I guess and my dad might have Native American indian and the seemingly common German Jewish, like a lot of people. They really won't help me if I'm Native American. I just realized that in the south, they are more comfortable, the Native Americans. So, yes, I do have and have been told by my peers all the time when I was cool that I have a pure Floridian accent or rather that I have no accent I'm from Florida my accent is no accent that is the way everyone should be!!! I heard in L.A. and I guess throughout California.. like San Fransisco and the area that they have the Valley Girls and I grew to like it when I was in the New Orleans region. I heard that was all there was and all there will ever be, that there will be no new generations. :| Yes.. They just have really ***y voices and aren't muddled up in northern culture, but I had this friend who I think has a dad or maybe also mom from Canada. xp So... :| They not only have the pure voice but are so ...ed up, you know? They won't even think straight. They're like a hiccup, a ditzy. They just want to know where your parents are from because people from up north want to .... me for being from Florida and then criticize me for having blood from Scranton, etc.. PA Dutch? Also somewhere in NY. Like, they want to hurt me for my culture but never my voice. See, my mom has a European accent. You know, Ginny, not everybody can sing. I had to learn. My parents love good music. I grew up close to my mom ***ually but didn't like feel that tingly feeling so much. With my dad, we had the proper English relationship, no ... with my dad. I don't know about my brother, he's not very European and mocks me under protection of my parents.. I al ways grew up being the most European and was whiter than everyone else I told the people in the racial crisis type forum, but I changed since then. 8| In Loo eez ee anna lazy louisiana, they thought I was a foreign exchange student because of my mom. I actually sang more alone, there, so my accent kinda was lost. Oh, I just called but see you must have already gone to bed after class, I would but decided to do more singing and am eating and had to get my stuff etc., loading some practice videos, too. In Orlando, I got a sorta s--- voice.. I picked up on the tacky things here, also had this ½ Spanish ballet teacher who was young who said things funny maybe like brruther. I also picked up on the really low things in the New Orleans area. I didn't really connect with the girl from San Fransisco's voice. :| Same with the girl from L.A. I just don't in that sorta bland, raspy way. I finally got rid of the accent of the girl from NYC I'm working with for a lot of the part.. So, I feed off of people from California. I see you feed off of people from certain places. I saw Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, and Washington (state,) 2 from Wisconsin. Ah I'm gonna go eat guess I'll catch you later.. :) I see we can't Share, anymore, is there a reason? I see that sometimes.

Hi, yes, I would like to come. I hope this is a big turnout. I guess I have to make sure I ask you where it is. If it's not in your home, I wonder if there will be a nice place to eat. :) My mom can't make it, and I'll probably just go without my dad. I see people I knew online in Northeastern Florida.. but they haven't spoken to me and are busy with their lives, would like to come some of them, though. Even my aunts are busy. 1 of them might not be. You'd know she's about your age.. but she doesn't e-mail me, now, I guess because I haven't e-mailed her lately.  I don't seem to know anyone in Orlando but know I've seen people thru my mom.

Honky

Why is Ginny racist? Just admit if everyone "is" racist. Why is the experiment I'm in so insulting? Ginny is a spoiled honky. Did you know at 1st, people were so overly servile and somewhat entertaining?

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Tell Me

Ginny, if yo goddam fukn wan me 1 leaf the class well then say so you muthafucjrn idiiit.

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Maybe, she's gay.

I know Ginny has thought of me, but is she sizing up my fat? Why does she act so sarcastic? Maybe, she's gay.

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Let me just say it.

I'm gonna * Ginny Kopf- she thought my hands should be bigger as in longer. She made them stubby. 3)

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